Hellfire

Episode 14 was one of my favorite episodes within the Tenjho Tenge series as it reflected a bit of how Shin’s mind worked and the unbreakable bond that he and his sister shared. More than anything else, one was allowed a glimpse at Shin’s vulnerability and the desperate dependency he had on his sister Maya.

“…A moth that has lost its wings. Even though it is still called a moth, it has lost the characteristics that make it one. It is even eaten by ants roaming the ground. How foolish to lose my wings and get burned in the flames. Why do I still seek light within the darkness…?”

Shin had recapped these thoughts in his mind during the battle with his friend Bunshichi Tawara. He thought he was the darkness itself, that he was perhaps evil. But who could blame him, seeing that those who surrounded him fed him those lies as well. But somehow he longed for salvation, reflected in a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

“…You are the darkness, a complete darkness without a single speck of light…”

It was so sad when he recapped those words said to him by Dogen Takayanagi. The pain that manifested in his eyes when he repeated to himself, "I will never be a butterfly..." was very touching. He considered himself a moth foolishly wondering through the darkness.

Shin was also self-aware of his dependency of Reiki and the insanity that it drove him too. Yet, it was the only way he could think of to protect that which was most precious to him, his sister Maya. When it came to Maya he became so serious and desperate.

The scene that was most touching was of Shin and Maya at childhood. They were by a large bonfire and Maya was desperately trying to drive away the "butterflies" that were flying too close to the flame. He had asked her what she was doing. She responded that the butterflies were burning and even though she was trying to stop them, they still proceeded to fly towards the flame. Shin had to correct her by stating that they were not butterflies but indeed moths and that it was pointless in trying to stop them. Using an analogy, he explained to her that if the world was consumed in darkness and this bonfire was the only light, even if his body would burn in flames of hell, he would blindly jump into the flames just like them. And then his wings would burn off, and he would fall to the ground and wallow in the mud. No matter how tough it was, he probably would still reach for the fire.

“…To me, you are this fire, Maya…”

Back then, Maya had not understood what her brother meant. As she sat at Shin’s bedside in the hospital, she continued to linger on that moment and tried to remember what her response was back then.

“…No. I don’t want to be a flame. I don’t want to burn you up. I want to be a butterfly. You’re a butterfly too. Let’s be butterflies together…”